Psychiatric ICU in Vienna

Like I said in my previous post, when I got to Vienna I had to start my hospital stay in a Psychiatric ICU. The unit had 2 rooms, each with 4 beds. The room was divided by curtains and each patient was hooked up to machines that monitored heart rate. Every four hours they measured our blood pressure and body temperature. I was at bed rest, which meant no movement at all. When I stood up or tried walking around the machines would start beeping and I was in 'trouble'. I couldn't go to the bathroom either. I had a toilet, which was actually a chair next to my bed. I had to do number 1 and 2 right there and the staff would empty the bowl. I could take a shower twice a week and on other days I just got a bowl of water and towels to wash myself while on bed rest. It was quite humiliating, but I must say that it worked. At first my food portions were just a half. If I was supposed to get an apple, I would get a half. If I was supposed to get 2 bread rolls, I would get one. I was weighed on a chair and I couldn't see the number. Once I was eating everything and gaining weight, I would get full portions. My liquid intake was also closely monitored. I could only drink 2 liters of water or tea, for example. I chose to have fruit tea. I managed to 35 kilos there (after this weight I was transferred to the 6b station, station for eating disorders). Since I was admitted at the end of November, we had to resolve the situation with the Christmas holidays. My insurance approved only 3 weeks in the ICU, so they had to transfer me. However, station 6b closed for two weeks and the dilemma arose- what are they going to do with me? Send me home for Christmas and then readmit me? Send me to a different station for two weeks and then to the eating disorder unit? I wanted to be discharged and then readmitted to 66, because again, I only had a specific number of weeks approved by the insurance and I didn't want to waste them on staying in a station whose primary concern wasn't treating eating disorders.

The situation resolved as follows: I was in the ICU for 2 weeks, then I went to 6b for a week and then I got discharged for Christmas break. After Christmas I was to return to station 6b. I was very much looking forward to Christmas at home, but it didn't go well. Not only did I lose weight, I was purging and I even drank when the purging got too much. I didn't want to do it, but I simply couldn't stop. I felt enormous guilt from anything that I ate and it messed with my mind very much. I kept thinking that I have to lose weight or otherwise the staff in Vienna will tell me that I din't need to be there anymore, that I am 'cured'.

I forgot to mention that during my stay in the ICU they put me on medication, which I refused just a year ago, but they persuaded me that it's worth a try and they will monitor me closely. Thy put my on risperidone, lyrica (pregabalin), citalopram, dominal and zolpidem. I had troubles sleeping- I would wake up at 2 or 3am and was fully awake. I drew decorations for the ward and made snowflakes since it was winter and Christmas was approaching. I also had an MRI done where they found homogeneous FLAIR-hyperintense and T1 hypointense in the pons. They also found that my grey matter was diminishing. I have no idea what either one truly means, I just know that my cognitive functions have worsened and that I forget so much and I can't concentrate properly. It is meant to be reversible once I start eating a well balanced diet. If a doctor comes this was and reads this post I would be very happy to hear what all this means :D. So that's the ICU. The timing with Christmas was so unfortunate, but it happened and I was supposed to deal with it, but I didn't. It was as if I started from scratch in station 6b in January, maybe even worse, because in that unit they didn't monitor my eating and/ or purging, which happened.